What's Around the Corner?

There has been an idea on my mind lately that applies solely to dating. The idea is that of marriage, and how we decide who we are going to marry. More in-depth it's really about why there are so many singles here in Mormon-land. Let's take the city of Walla Walla, Washington for example. Single's are able to grow up/ move here and find eternal happiness with a significant other. This town is tiny compared to the area of the Salt Lake Valley and Utah County Valley, and yet, I bet that their marriage % in the Singles BRANCH is higher than the % in my ward. Yes they are a branch, yes they are tiny, and yes, they manage to find an eternal companion. The reason for this example, you may be wondering by now, is to enter into your mind this question: Do I put off dating and marriage because I expect something better to be around the corner?


We live in an area where there are a lot of options in people to date. There is a never ending supply of Single Adults and within that community there are all different types, sizes, colors, personalities, careers, eductions, activity status, etc, to choose from. But really, how hard is it to find one person, just one, that you enjoy talking to? That you enjoy hanging out with? That you feel you have something in common with? That wants the same things out of life that you do? I argue that it really isn't that difficult to find someone that meets that criteria. As I was sitting in Sacrament meeting today I started thinking about past relationships, past interests & current interests and really thought, of those guys was there ONE that I could have married? The answer is yes. I could have probably married all of them and been happy. Yes, there are some that I may have been happier with than others, but I still would have been happy.


Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should settle for just anyone that goes to church on Sunday and is Temple worthy. I'm saying that maybe it's time that we adjust our thinking of the "perfect significant other" and understand that what's around the corner isn't always better, it isn't always right, but yes, it will still always be there. There is a never ending path of corners in our life, but here's a suggestion, start walking on the path with someone, you might stop noticing the corners and what's around them and you might start walking in a straight line, hand in hand with your eternal companion. Yes, you may walk a little ways, hand in hand, and realize that that hand is not the one that you should be holding for eternity, and that's okay. (It's called dating.) Gently release that hand and find another one to hold, but please, stop wondering what's coming up around the corner and start enjoying the company of those walking the path with your right now.

Flowers & Chocolate

I was talking to my Nephew who just started school at BYU the other night and the topic of boys and girls came up. Somehow flowers and chocolates came up too...hmmm....shocker?! I think not :) Anyways, I know that sometimes you boys think that flowers and chocolates are cliche' and to tell you the truth, they kind of are, but I want to throw this out there...they are still important. Or at least the concept of flowers and chocolates are important. Girls want to feel special. We want to feel like you did something for us that is different than what you do for all the other girls in your life. Show us that romance is alive. Show us that we're worth the extra effort. Just don't tell us to keep it between the two of us. That just makes us wonder why you don't want people to know about it. For example, I had a guy send me flowers at work and in the note ask me to keep it between the two of us. That just put me in an awkward situation. I had to lie to everyone at my office about who the flowers were from and it made me wonder who else he had sent flowers to in our office! FOR REAL?!?! Don't do that, don't take what should be a wonderful, give us butterflies, make us blush gesture and turn it into something shady and overused.



Of course it doesn't have to be flowers and chocolate. It's not about flower and chocolate, it's about romance and chivalry. So if you're dating a girl that like motorcycles and guns, plan a date where you pick her up on a motorcycle and take her to the shooting range. Maybe she's more into football or basketball...then send her a t-shirt from her favorite team. Maybe you see something in the news that makes you think of her or worry about her, then send her a text message! I had a guy do that just the other day and it just made me feel special. I loved it! So it's really about those little somethings that make us feel unique, that reminds us that you're thinking of us. Take a couple of minutes, think about things you can do, write them down and then do them! Good luck boys!

Huh???

The other day I was visiting with some friends while our Bishop entertained us with stories of how he and his wife started dating. He commented that usually if a girl had a lot of interest from other guys he would bail, but that he had made the decision that he was going to get married that year and so none of that mattered anymore. He had a goal in mind and he was going to do everything to meet that goal. This came as a revelation to us girls standing there listening to our Bishop. You see we had always been told that guys liked girls that seemed to be in high demand, that there was competition for. What our Bishop was saying, and what the guys standing there were agreeing with, is that guys actually don't like the idea of competition and will walk away if there are other guys there vying for a girl's attention. SAY WHAT?! Yeah, pretty big information for us girls! So I'm putting it out there to you boys that may actually be reading this....which do you prefer? I can understand not wanting to fight for a girl's attention, but if there aren't any guys hanging around does that make you shy away as well? Which one is better for us girls to do...hang out with boys or don't? Please, please, please explain yourselves!

Jumping to the end???

Do we jump into a relationship to meet the status quo? Marry because our friends are getting married? Overestimate our feelings for someone based on the need to be in a relationship? I sometimes have to wonder if people just pretend to be happy to get married, or rather, not pretend, but actually convince themselves that they are truly happy, not knowing what else is out there. In the orders of one of the Bachelorettes “I feel like I’m just setting myself up to get broken hearted, but I haven’t been in love in so long that it’s just fun to feel it.” I’m sorry, it’s fun to feel it?! WHAT??? Seriously, that is not love people, that is purely lust and desperation to be in love. So put your little hormones on ice and figure out if you have a real connection with that special someone that you’re interested in before you start ncmo’ing it up and proposing marriage.

Except---What Men can do to create romance.

"When a man doesn't understand a woman, he tends to focus on the big ways to fulfill her all at once but will then ignore her for weeks. While good communication provides a healthy basis for a loving relationship, romance is the dessert. The way to a woman's heart is through doing lots of little things for her on a consistent basis. Here is my "short list" of twenty "kitchen-tested" things a man can do to create romance.
1. Buy her cards or write her a note.
2. Bring her flowers.
3. Buy her chocolates.
4. Bring home little surprises that say you were thinking of her while you were away.
5. Give her random hugs.
6. Be affectionate at times when you are not wanting sex.
7. Light a candle at dinner or in the bedroom.
8. Put on her favorite music.
9. Notice what she is wearing and pay her a compliment.
10. Take notice of the foods and restaurants she likes.
11. Plan dates ahead of time.
12. Put the remote control n mute at the commercials and talk with her instead of scanning through the channels.
13. Look at her when she talks.
14. Don't interrupt her or finish her sentences.
15. Notice when she is upset and offer her a hug.
16. Help her when she is tired.
17. Help her with her domestic chores.

18. Call her when you are running late.
19. Call her just to say "I love you." (OR TEXT...that works too!)
20. Plan little celebrations and do something different."
Mars & Venus: Together Forever by John Gray

To touch or not to touch?

I was watching Pride & Prejudice the other night, the A&E Version. It’s one of those ones that I watch when I’m sick and just want to cuddle up in a blanket. Every time I watch it something new jumps out to me. This time the line that jumped out was one spoken by Charlotte Lucas in Chapter 6. She says “It may perhaps be pleasant," replied Charlotte, "to be able to impose on the public in such a case; but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him; and it will then be but poor consolation to believe the world equally in the dark. There is so much of gratitude or vanity in almost every attachment, that it is not safe to leave any to itself. We can all begin freely -- a slight preference is natural enough; but there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better shew more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on." (Italics added) The thought crossed my mind…What if Charlotte was really onto something here? Should we show more affection for people that we are interested in than normally we would? Is that the way to secure a relationship?



Last night I was talking about physical contact with a friend and explaining why I’m not a touchy person. I view hand holding and cuddling as indicators of a stronger interest in someone than friendship. I’m not one of those girls that likes to be touched continually by friends. Yes, we all have those days when we need a hug or someone to reach out and hold our hand for a minute, just to let us know that someone cares, but as a friend, I don’t want this to happen all the time. A hug in greeting or when saying goodbye is always acceptable, however, constant physical contact can lead to mixed feelings that can sometimes be confusing and cause friendships to end when one person becomes more invested in the relationship than another.


I would have to say that if a boy was interested in me and he started flirting physically it would get my attention. I’m not sure that I would enjoy it profusely, but I would be aware of him. And yes, a portion of not enjoying the attention could be attributed to not being interested in the guy. I can, however, also see how this could lead me to develop an interest in him. We all want to feel accepted by someone and physical flirting communicates that acceptance, and can result in opening one’s heart to feelings.


So I ask...once you have decided that you are interested in someone would it be better to express more interest or less until you know the feelings of the other person? Is it beneficial to make clear your interest in hopes that the other person will return your feelings or should you play it safe and keep the friendship as it is? What are the pros and cons of this type of flirting?

Firehouse Car Washes-Fundraiser!

Hey all you local Utahans--it's that time of the year that you finally WANT to have your car washed! Firehouse Car Wash has teamed up with me to help me reach my fundraising goals for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I'm selling 4-Alarm washes for $30 & 3-Alarm washes for $20. Firehouse Car Washes are seriously AMAZING!!! You won't regret this donation for a minute! If you'd like to buy a wash, or two or three, leave a comment or text me or call me or facebook me :) and I'll set your voucher aside.


4-Alarm: Voted "Utah's Best Wash" by Utah's best customers! The 4-Alarm gives your car added shine with water-whisking Weatherguard Protection. We'll shine and protect our dash with conditioner, too. We guarantee you'll leave delighted.


3-Alarm: Now you can cruise I-15 with pure confidence! Get the mud off the bottom and enjoy the shine of Weatherguard Protection. Be a superstar with tire shine and clean rims! We'll throw in an air freshener - you're welcome!

Race for the Date to Date for the Race Silent Auction--Spread the Word!

I'm Auctioning off Dates with my friends! Yep, you read that right! You can be the lucky "owner" of a night under the stars with one of 14 AMAZING people!



The date will take place on either July 22nd (Forever Strong) or July 29th (The Goonies). We will be doing one big group date (28 people in total) where we'll be going to the Utah State Capital for their "Movie Under the Stars" series and some other activities that night that will be announced later.



The Auction itself will be done on Facebook through messages. All dates start at $25 and increase in increments of $10. Two people will be auctioned per day, one guy and one girl. A "day" will be from 10:00 am - 8:00 pm.



To make a bid send me a message with either a current bid or with your maximum bid if you're not going to be around to make additional bids during the day. The Winner will be announced & messaged by 8:30 pm every night.



If you are the lucky winner you will have until the auction opens the next day (10:00 am) to issue payment online at http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/rnrseatl10/mwootton or make arrangments with me to bring me a check or cash. If you do not meet the deadline the next bidder in line will receive the date.


The Auction will start on Saturday, June 5th and will conclude with the last people being auctioned on Friday, June 11th All proceeds will go to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and are 100% Tax Deductible!



I'll be posting a list of the participants later today and tomorrow, so keep your eyes open!





*If you're married you can't win the date for yourself, but you can win it for your single friend or family member that lives in Utah and would be available on the day of the date.


** If you don't live in Utah but do know people who do, please invite them to the Auction, the more people that know about it the better the results will be!

Your Anyway Friend

"An Anyway Friend is the one person in your life who no matter what they say or do, no matter what they’ve been through with you, they love you anyway. No matter how old you are or your responsibilities, if you have love, real unconditional love, you can make it." -Sam Bennett (Yes, this is a quote from Private Practice, get over it!)



Everyone has an anyway friend. The point of an anyway friend though is to be their anyway friend! I have felt at times that I don’t need any more friends, that I have enough friends, but the truth is, you can never have too many friends. Too often we are tempted to walk away from friendships over stupid disputes. I have walked away from friendships over misunderstandings, and you know what, the majority of the time the only person that I was hurting was myself, and I could live with that. It was easier to live with that then to let that friend hurt me or to know that my actions were hurting them, but no matter who’s hurting, it’s not okay. I’ve observed that the majority of the time that friendships end is when one person has feelings for the other person that are more than just friends. It’s a lot easier to talk about things when feelings of real interest aren’t in the mix. We’re all human and can relate to the theory that when there is interest involved the stakes are higher, and when the stakes are higher that means that we can be hurt more. For me personally, that translates to me being more standoffish, less likely to communicate fully. Some people are able to dive right in and share more and have more faith and trust in the other person. I don’t really understand that, but to each their own! A friend of mine has made the comment that it’s our loved ones that hurt us the most. While it’s true, I hate it! I can’t believe how selfish we can be that we don’t see how much we hurt people. It’s too easy to snap at our family and our friends and play it off as, “they understand, they’re just seeing the real me”. Shouldn’t the real us also have the courage to apologize and talk things out with them? Shouldn’t we have the patience with our loved ones that we hope they have with us? I’m not saying that I’m perfect, I’m sure that many of you reading this know how UNperfect I am, but what I am saying is that is it so much to ask that we all try to do a little bit better each day for our Anyway Friends? Let’s face it, one of those Anyway Friends will become your spouse, your companion, your partner for life. So we better learn how to do our best by them now.

Actions vs Words

I was actually getting ready to write a post on kissing, but I was directed to an article by Elder Marvin J. Ashton entitled Love Takes Time that took my focus in a different direction. Whether it’s a romantic love or a love in friendship the principals are still the same. Elder Ashton says, “True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time.” Too often we try to rush love. We try to make it fit our time tables, but we have to remember that love doesn’t happen overnight. People don’t feel loved overnight. I appreciate the line about love requiring personal action. Love is not stagnant. It is not something that you can check off your list as having completed. It is never finished.



Elder Ashton tells the story of a man who upon coming home from work one evening tells his young son that he loves him. He son responds by telling his father, “…I don’t want you to love me, I want you to play football with me.” True love is not a declaration; true love is shown in actions every day. Elder Ashton goes on to say, “We must at regular and appropriate intervals speak and reassure others of our love and the long time it takes to prove it by our actions. Real love does take time.” Too often we think that our words will do the job, unfortunately this just isn’t true. I’m sure that you can all think about someone in your life who told you they cared about you, that they loved you, but at times you doubted that love due to the lack of actions taken on their part.


The Savior has asked us to feed His sheep and to keep His commandments repeatedly in the scriptures. Elder Ashton points out that “…we can often best show our love through the processes of feeding and keeping.” He goes on to say, “Feeding is the providing by love adequate nourishment for the entire man, physically, mentally, morally, and spiritually. Keeping is a process of care, consideration, and kindness appropriately blended with discipline, example, and concern.” Feeding and Keeping are parts of our daily life. There are times that we don’t even realize that we feeding and keeping or that we are being fed and kept. Elder Ashton asks the question, “When were you last fed by a family member or friend? When were you last given nourishment for growth and ideas, plans, sorting of the day, sharing of fun, recreation, sorrow, anxiety, concern, and meditation? These ingredients can only be shared by someone who loves and cares.” I want to point out that he says that these can only be shared by someone who LOVES and CARES.


So I want to ask the question, how are we supposed to be able to tell the difference between someone who loves and cares as a friend versus as an interested party? The difference can at times be hard to decipher, because of that I want to say that you need to be careful with how you are expressing yourself to a girl. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. We are all hopeless romantics underneath all the barriers that we put up. Some of us don’t put up as many barriers as others, some of us have barriers so high and so thick that you may think it’s impossible to penetrate, but have patience and determination and you’ll be surprised how quickly things can happen. So why do I caution you? I caution you because even though you may say one thing, your actions can be saying something else. If you tell a girl that you are interested, but then don’t call, or text, or even facebook, she’s going to doubt that you really care. If you tell a girl that you aren’t interested in dating her, that you just want to be friends and then you continually call her, text her, hang out with her, she’s going to assume that you do like her. If that does happen, every time that you joke around about dating or marriage she’s going to see that as a signal that you are thinking about it, and she’s going to assume that you’re thinking about it with her. So please, use caution.


Back to feeding and keeping. You may be wondering why your new friend or special interest doesn’t open up to you right away about all the little things going on in their life. First, not everyone is as open as your ex girlfriend. Some of us have been hurt and we tread with extreme caution. Second, as Elder Ashton pointed out, the sharing of those details of our lives is only done with those that truly love and care. Until we feel loved and cared for (on any level) we won’t feel safe opening our hearts to you. Remember, love takes time and ACTION! I can guarantee that when you take the time to prove to a girl by action that she is safe in your arms (figuratively, not necessarily literally, but it could be literally also.) she will always be willing to take care of you, to nurture you, and to remind you of how amazing you are.


There is so much more in Elder Ashton’s talk, and I would encourage all to go and read it, but let me wrap this up with another quote from Elder Ashton. He says, “Let us resolve to take the time to give of ourselves in putting love into appropriate action and performance.” Remember, when we feel loved and cared for, when we are fed and kept, we will love and care for and feed and keep you.