To touch or not to touch?

I was watching Pride & Prejudice the other night, the A&E Version. It’s one of those ones that I watch when I’m sick and just want to cuddle up in a blanket. Every time I watch it something new jumps out to me. This time the line that jumped out was one spoken by Charlotte Lucas in Chapter 6. She says “It may perhaps be pleasant," replied Charlotte, "to be able to impose on the public in such a case; but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him; and it will then be but poor consolation to believe the world equally in the dark. There is so much of gratitude or vanity in almost every attachment, that it is not safe to leave any to itself. We can all begin freely -- a slight preference is natural enough; but there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better shew more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on." (Italics added) The thought crossed my mind…What if Charlotte was really onto something here? Should we show more affection for people that we are interested in than normally we would? Is that the way to secure a relationship?



Last night I was talking about physical contact with a friend and explaining why I’m not a touchy person. I view hand holding and cuddling as indicators of a stronger interest in someone than friendship. I’m not one of those girls that likes to be touched continually by friends. Yes, we all have those days when we need a hug or someone to reach out and hold our hand for a minute, just to let us know that someone cares, but as a friend, I don’t want this to happen all the time. A hug in greeting or when saying goodbye is always acceptable, however, constant physical contact can lead to mixed feelings that can sometimes be confusing and cause friendships to end when one person becomes more invested in the relationship than another.


I would have to say that if a boy was interested in me and he started flirting physically it would get my attention. I’m not sure that I would enjoy it profusely, but I would be aware of him. And yes, a portion of not enjoying the attention could be attributed to not being interested in the guy. I can, however, also see how this could lead me to develop an interest in him. We all want to feel accepted by someone and physical flirting communicates that acceptance, and can result in opening one’s heart to feelings.


So I ask...once you have decided that you are interested in someone would it be better to express more interest or less until you know the feelings of the other person? Is it beneficial to make clear your interest in hopes that the other person will return your feelings or should you play it safe and keep the friendship as it is? What are the pros and cons of this type of flirting?