I was actually getting ready to write a post on kissing, but I was directed to an article by Elder Marvin J. Ashton entitled Love Takes Time that took my focus in a different direction. Whether it’s a romantic love or a love in friendship the principals are still the same. Elder Ashton says, “True love is a process. True love requires personal action. Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time.” Too often we try to rush love. We try to make it fit our time tables, but we have to remember that love doesn’t happen overnight. People don’t feel loved overnight. I appreciate the line about love requiring personal action. Love is not stagnant. It is not something that you can check off your list as having completed. It is never finished.
Elder Ashton tells the story of a man who upon coming home from work one evening tells his young son that he loves him. He son responds by telling his father, “…I don’t want you to love me, I want you to play football with me.” True love is not a declaration; true love is shown in actions every day. Elder Ashton goes on to say, “We must at regular and appropriate intervals speak and reassure others of our love and the long time it takes to prove it by our actions. Real love does take time.” Too often we think that our words will do the job, unfortunately this just isn’t true. I’m sure that you can all think about someone in your life who told you they cared about you, that they loved you, but at times you doubted that love due to the lack of actions taken on their part.
The Savior has asked us to feed His sheep and to keep His commandments repeatedly in the scriptures. Elder Ashton points out that “…we can often best show our love through the processes of feeding and keeping.” He goes on to say, “Feeding is the providing by love adequate nourishment for the entire man, physically, mentally, morally, and spiritually. Keeping is a process of care, consideration, and kindness appropriately blended with discipline, example, and concern.” Feeding and Keeping are parts of our daily life. There are times that we don’t even realize that we feeding and keeping or that we are being fed and kept. Elder Ashton asks the question, “When were you last fed by a family member or friend? When were you last given nourishment for growth and ideas, plans, sorting of the day, sharing of fun, recreation, sorrow, anxiety, concern, and meditation? These ingredients can only be shared by someone who loves and cares.” I want to point out that he says that these can only be shared by someone who LOVES and CARES.
So I want to ask the question, how are we supposed to be able to tell the difference between someone who loves and cares as a friend versus as an interested party? The difference can at times be hard to decipher, because of that I want to say that you need to be careful with how you are expressing yourself to a girl. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. We are all hopeless romantics underneath all the barriers that we put up. Some of us don’t put up as many barriers as others, some of us have barriers so high and so thick that you may think it’s impossible to penetrate, but have patience and determination and you’ll be surprised how quickly things can happen. So why do I caution you? I caution you because even though you may say one thing, your actions can be saying something else. If you tell a girl that you are interested, but then don’t call, or text, or even facebook, she’s going to doubt that you really care. If you tell a girl that you aren’t interested in dating her, that you just want to be friends and then you continually call her, text her, hang out with her, she’s going to assume that you do like her. If that does happen, every time that you joke around about dating or marriage she’s going to see that as a signal that you are thinking about it, and she’s going to assume that you’re thinking about it with her. So please, use caution.
Back to feeding and keeping. You may be wondering why your new friend or special interest doesn’t open up to you right away about all the little things going on in their life. First, not everyone is as open as your ex girlfriend. Some of us have been hurt and we tread with extreme caution. Second, as Elder Ashton pointed out, the sharing of those details of our lives is only done with those that truly love and care. Until we feel loved and cared for (on any level) we won’t feel safe opening our hearts to you. Remember, love takes time and ACTION! I can guarantee that when you take the time to prove to a girl by action that she is safe in your arms (figuratively, not necessarily literally, but it could be literally also.) she will always be willing to take care of you, to nurture you, and to remind you of how amazing you are.
There is so much more in Elder Ashton’s talk, and I would encourage all to go and read it, but let me wrap this up with another quote from Elder Ashton. He says, “Let us resolve to take the time to give of ourselves in putting love into appropriate action and performance.” Remember, when we feel loved and cared for, when we are fed and kept, we will love and care for and feed and keep you.
