If she sticks around...

Boys: Let's say that you've had a friend that you know used to like you, let's say that she seems to have moved on, but you know that she has liked you off and on for a long time. Guess what...She still likes you. If you're still single and you've known this girl for a long time, TAKE A CHANCE and date her! More than likely she's forgiven you for some pretty stupid stuff and she puts up with a lot of crap from you. Don't you think that a girl like that deserves a date? I mean, she may end up seeing something from you on that date that finally kills the romance for her and you don't lose anything. Maybe you'll see something from her on the date and realize why she is amazing. At the end of the day, what do you have to lose? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you could possibly lose a friend, but isn't the possibility of building an amazing relationship worth it?

What's Around the Corner?

There has been an idea on my mind lately that applies solely to dating. The idea is that of marriage, and how we decide who we are going to marry. More in-depth it's really about why there are so many singles here in Mormon-land. Let's take the city of Walla Walla, Washington for example. Single's are able to grow up/ move here and find eternal happiness with a significant other. This town is tiny compared to the area of the Salt Lake Valley and Utah County Valley, and yet, I bet that their marriage % in the Singles BRANCH is higher than the % in my ward. Yes they are a branch, yes they are tiny, and yes, they manage to find an eternal companion. The reason for this example, you may be wondering by now, is to enter into your mind this question: Do I put off dating and marriage because I expect something better to be around the corner?


We live in an area where there are a lot of options in people to date. There is a never ending supply of Single Adults and within that community there are all different types, sizes, colors, personalities, careers, eductions, activity status, etc, to choose from. But really, how hard is it to find one person, just one, that you enjoy talking to? That you enjoy hanging out with? That you feel you have something in common with? That wants the same things out of life that you do? I argue that it really isn't that difficult to find someone that meets that criteria. As I was sitting in Sacrament meeting today I started thinking about past relationships, past interests & current interests and really thought, of those guys was there ONE that I could have married? The answer is yes. I could have probably married all of them and been happy. Yes, there are some that I may have been happier with than others, but I still would have been happy.


Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should settle for just anyone that goes to church on Sunday and is Temple worthy. I'm saying that maybe it's time that we adjust our thinking of the "perfect significant other" and understand that what's around the corner isn't always better, it isn't always right, but yes, it will still always be there. There is a never ending path of corners in our life, but here's a suggestion, start walking on the path with someone, you might stop noticing the corners and what's around them and you might start walking in a straight line, hand in hand with your eternal companion. Yes, you may walk a little ways, hand in hand, and realize that that hand is not the one that you should be holding for eternity, and that's okay. (It's called dating.) Gently release that hand and find another one to hold, but please, stop wondering what's coming up around the corner and start enjoying the company of those walking the path with your right now.

Flowers & Chocolate

I was talking to my Nephew who just started school at BYU the other night and the topic of boys and girls came up. Somehow flowers and chocolates came up too...hmmm....shocker?! I think not :) Anyways, I know that sometimes you boys think that flowers and chocolates are cliche' and to tell you the truth, they kind of are, but I want to throw this out there...they are still important. Or at least the concept of flowers and chocolates are important. Girls want to feel special. We want to feel like you did something for us that is different than what you do for all the other girls in your life. Show us that romance is alive. Show us that we're worth the extra effort. Just don't tell us to keep it between the two of us. That just makes us wonder why you don't want people to know about it. For example, I had a guy send me flowers at work and in the note ask me to keep it between the two of us. That just put me in an awkward situation. I had to lie to everyone at my office about who the flowers were from and it made me wonder who else he had sent flowers to in our office! FOR REAL?!?! Don't do that, don't take what should be a wonderful, give us butterflies, make us blush gesture and turn it into something shady and overused.



Of course it doesn't have to be flowers and chocolate. It's not about flower and chocolate, it's about romance and chivalry. So if you're dating a girl that like motorcycles and guns, plan a date where you pick her up on a motorcycle and take her to the shooting range. Maybe she's more into football or basketball...then send her a t-shirt from her favorite team. Maybe you see something in the news that makes you think of her or worry about her, then send her a text message! I had a guy do that just the other day and it just made me feel special. I loved it! So it's really about those little somethings that make us feel unique, that reminds us that you're thinking of us. Take a couple of minutes, think about things you can do, write them down and then do them! Good luck boys!

Huh???

The other day I was visiting with some friends while our Bishop entertained us with stories of how he and his wife started dating. He commented that usually if a girl had a lot of interest from other guys he would bail, but that he had made the decision that he was going to get married that year and so none of that mattered anymore. He had a goal in mind and he was going to do everything to meet that goal. This came as a revelation to us girls standing there listening to our Bishop. You see we had always been told that guys liked girls that seemed to be in high demand, that there was competition for. What our Bishop was saying, and what the guys standing there were agreeing with, is that guys actually don't like the idea of competition and will walk away if there are other guys there vying for a girl's attention. SAY WHAT?! Yeah, pretty big information for us girls! So I'm putting it out there to you boys that may actually be reading this....which do you prefer? I can understand not wanting to fight for a girl's attention, but if there aren't any guys hanging around does that make you shy away as well? Which one is better for us girls to do...hang out with boys or don't? Please, please, please explain yourselves!

Jumping to the end???

Do we jump into a relationship to meet the status quo? Marry because our friends are getting married? Overestimate our feelings for someone based on the need to be in a relationship? I sometimes have to wonder if people just pretend to be happy to get married, or rather, not pretend, but actually convince themselves that they are truly happy, not knowing what else is out there. In the orders of one of the Bachelorettes “I feel like I’m just setting myself up to get broken hearted, but I haven’t been in love in so long that it’s just fun to feel it.” I’m sorry, it’s fun to feel it?! WHAT??? Seriously, that is not love people, that is purely lust and desperation to be in love. So put your little hormones on ice and figure out if you have a real connection with that special someone that you’re interested in before you start ncmo’ing it up and proposing marriage.

Except---What Men can do to create romance.

"When a man doesn't understand a woman, he tends to focus on the big ways to fulfill her all at once but will then ignore her for weeks. While good communication provides a healthy basis for a loving relationship, romance is the dessert. The way to a woman's heart is through doing lots of little things for her on a consistent basis. Here is my "short list" of twenty "kitchen-tested" things a man can do to create romance.
1. Buy her cards or write her a note.
2. Bring her flowers.
3. Buy her chocolates.
4. Bring home little surprises that say you were thinking of her while you were away.
5. Give her random hugs.
6. Be affectionate at times when you are not wanting sex.
7. Light a candle at dinner or in the bedroom.
8. Put on her favorite music.
9. Notice what she is wearing and pay her a compliment.
10. Take notice of the foods and restaurants she likes.
11. Plan dates ahead of time.
12. Put the remote control n mute at the commercials and talk with her instead of scanning through the channels.
13. Look at her when she talks.
14. Don't interrupt her or finish her sentences.
15. Notice when she is upset and offer her a hug.
16. Help her when she is tired.
17. Help her with her domestic chores.

18. Call her when you are running late.
19. Call her just to say "I love you." (OR TEXT...that works too!)
20. Plan little celebrations and do something different."
Mars & Venus: Together Forever by John Gray

To touch or not to touch?

I was watching Pride & Prejudice the other night, the A&E Version. It’s one of those ones that I watch when I’m sick and just want to cuddle up in a blanket. Every time I watch it something new jumps out to me. This time the line that jumped out was one spoken by Charlotte Lucas in Chapter 6. She says “It may perhaps be pleasant," replied Charlotte, "to be able to impose on the public in such a case; but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him; and it will then be but poor consolation to believe the world equally in the dark. There is so much of gratitude or vanity in almost every attachment, that it is not safe to leave any to itself. We can all begin freely -- a slight preference is natural enough; but there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better shew more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on." (Italics added) The thought crossed my mind…What if Charlotte was really onto something here? Should we show more affection for people that we are interested in than normally we would? Is that the way to secure a relationship?



Last night I was talking about physical contact with a friend and explaining why I’m not a touchy person. I view hand holding and cuddling as indicators of a stronger interest in someone than friendship. I’m not one of those girls that likes to be touched continually by friends. Yes, we all have those days when we need a hug or someone to reach out and hold our hand for a minute, just to let us know that someone cares, but as a friend, I don’t want this to happen all the time. A hug in greeting or when saying goodbye is always acceptable, however, constant physical contact can lead to mixed feelings that can sometimes be confusing and cause friendships to end when one person becomes more invested in the relationship than another.


I would have to say that if a boy was interested in me and he started flirting physically it would get my attention. I’m not sure that I would enjoy it profusely, but I would be aware of him. And yes, a portion of not enjoying the attention could be attributed to not being interested in the guy. I can, however, also see how this could lead me to develop an interest in him. We all want to feel accepted by someone and physical flirting communicates that acceptance, and can result in opening one’s heart to feelings.


So I ask...once you have decided that you are interested in someone would it be better to express more interest or less until you know the feelings of the other person? Is it beneficial to make clear your interest in hopes that the other person will return your feelings or should you play it safe and keep the friendship as it is? What are the pros and cons of this type of flirting?